February 12, 2010

The visit with my father, the visit with my home.

I arrived expecting nothing more than the regular enjoyable yet unexciting times I have with my dad, those times that have become so scarce of late. Yet, this time it felt much different, like my father sensed that I needed assistance with my direction in life. I hadn't seen him in almost seven months, for I am just beginning to rise up out of the roughest time of my life thus far, and felt that I needed to see my dad again. My father brought me to a place where I felt utterly at home, in that grungy town. I had never felt as genuinely content as I did when I was in that place, and I have felt few emotional connections that are as potent as the connections with my father that day. Now I am returning to my mother's house. This place that I am supposed to be able to call my home, yet I cannot feel the same way since I was so easily thrown out without any remorse. And they expect me to feel the same way as I once did here? Never. Once unwelcome, always unwelcome. This was once my home. This is not my home. This can never again be my home. Now I am returning to my mother's house, with new inspiration and new direction because of my father. More inspiration than I have ever felt in my entire life. There is only one thing that I have devoted my life to, and I have now never been so sure about my life's direction. I will retain the will to continue onward in my dreams, and I feel that the only direction my life can go from here is forward and upward. Life already feels like less of a burden, even though I know that nothing has changed.. yet. I will achieve what I am so devotedly working towards.

-Adam; January 23, 2009 ~ 4:10 pm

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